To change who you are you need to lose who you are now.
You are meant to lose yourself because that is how you find yourself.
When I look back at all the times in my life when I failed, I realise those are the times that I found myself.
I failed at my first marriage because I didn’t know who I was. And I was trying to live someone else’s life, but this failure threw me into becoming a better father.
I was determined not to lose contact with my daughter, so I worked hard to be there for her.
My second failed long-term relationship taught me the importance of being in the moment and self-aware. It kick-started the career change to being a life coach.
I spent so long unhappy and avoided my emotions and not living an activated life that I resolved never to do that again.
I failed at becoming a professional. I had dreams of being a doctor, a veterinarian, a commercial pilot, a scientist, and a psychologist amongst many others.
Sure if I had become any of those things I’d probably be happy. But I doubt I would have the sense of purpose that I do now.
My desire to be those things showed me that I just wanted to help and love others. Now I work to change people’s lives and get them to a place where they feel happy, complete and fulfilled.
I have tried many things and had lots of different business ideas. Many of which could have made me money but the simple fact was that I was only doing them to make money.
And because of this, my heart was never in them, and they failed, one of them resulting in bankruptcy.
But I learnt how to manage finances, develop products, manage others so that now I am building something meaningful I understand what really matters.
Failed at school
I coasted at school and did the minimum that I needed to do, I then failed my exams, not getting into university.
But I wouldn’t have the wealth of experience that I do now.
This gave me the drive to learn, learn and learn more. I’ve never stopped learning and experiencing life from this point.
I’ve served in the military in peace and in conflict, developed pioneering navigation systems for luxury cars, lead multinational project teams and won millions in funding for enterprises big and small.
I’ve lived in multiple countries and travelled the world.
Failing at school was probably one of the most significant pivotal moments in my life and got me to where I am today open, loving and compassionate.
Think about your pivotal moments where you felt lost and write down what you learnt from that event.
Then ask yourself if you can see how losing your way helped you find yourself.
And if you can’t see that yet, then that’s ok. When I was in the dark, I couldn’t understand what I see now.
It’s our lost feeling that sends us into a meltdown.
We panic in our sea of confusion.
We birth our scary thoughts and anxieties when we thrash about trying to swim in all directions looking for land.
When we move out of the shallow end of life and into the deep end we are forced to start swimming.
And we have nothing but ocean stretching out all around us and life forces you to start swimming.
That’s real courage venturing out to start swimming.
Because your life is about swimming in the ocean and getting to a place where your swimming makes sense.
Where you can look back and see your story as part of how you got to here.
You have to get lost to find your way back. To understand who you are and who you are meant to become.
If life went as we planned it in our mind then we would never need to change.
Without change, we can’t find meaning and without meaning we are unfulfilled.
In order to move forward, you need to let go of who you are now.
Growth is a series of losing who you are in this moment to be someone else in the next.
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